07.24.03 | 3:55 p.m.

Yes kids, it's that time again. Time for MSN.com to resuscitate those bleeding hearts of yours!

Thanks to the expert reporting skills of one Jonathan Carlson, the laborious chore of deciding whether or not to keep or just keep on sleeping with your girlfriend has gotten a hell of a lot simpler. 10-steps kind of simpler.

Counting down, here are the top 10 girlfriend clues to tune into in the plight for "Ms. Right."

10. She's independent.

To quote Carlson: "If she has her very own personality and opinions; can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally; and if she is able to enjoy time away from you (while still missing you, of course) then she must be a great girlfriend." Well, Carlson with insight like this, how do you sleep at night? Basically, no living creature likes a parasite, not even a parasite. Next.

9. She's intelligent

She knows who the current U.S. President is and can even name the Vice President.

8. She's sexual

--or at least she has sex with you,without going all Kobe Bean Bryant on your ass.

7. She's beautiful

Carlson writes: "She should always look her best and be well put together." Always, Carlson? You male chauvinistic pig...

6. She respects you

Note: this extends to respecting you not just "the morning after" -- we're talking at least a week. Minimum.

5. She lets you be a man

Unless, of course, you are a woman.

4. She's nagless

A nagless female? Why I think we've got ourselves an oxymoron.[I should know, I am one.]

3. She gets along with your friends & family (and they get along with her)

Okay, I can see this one.

2. She loves you

Carlson: "If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her." Let's refer back to #9. I would think that a woman of some smidgen of intelligence would notice something like the man she loves is masquerading as a pretend version of who he really is. Right?

1. She makes you want to be a better man


*denotes that if anyone I was ever romantically linked to said something as jam packed with cheese as "you make me want to be a better man" and wasn't reading from a romantic comedy movie script, well, he better be prepared to clean my vomit off his shoes.