08.01.03 | 10:07 a.m.

I got a knife with my boss' name on it.

Today, on my way to work, I made my first ever appearance at the corner Cosi bakery. Needless to say, it will be my last visit.

I ordered an everything squagel with plain cream cheese on the side from the crackhead behind the counter and paid my jacked up downtown price of $2.20. In return, I got a toasted everything squagel smothered with veggie cream cheese. I am not a fan of the veggie cream cheese, hence my request for the plain variety. But life's a bitch and blah, blah, blah.

Now, here I am at my desk, with my boss out for the day, faced with how to deal with this cream-cheesed-up hunk of dough staring back at me.

After a good 10 minutes of deliberation, I decided just how I am going to right this terrible wrong Cosi has imposed on me. I headed off to our office kitchenette to find a knife to scrape that veggie cream cheese right out of my life. When low and behold! I discovered that my boss has taped her name to one of the utensils -- that's right, a big, sharp knife nonetheless. [Hence, the evidence below.] A little shocked and a lot amused, I helped myself to the "Rosetta cutlery" and begin the process of de-cheesement.

Next, I think I might start in with the task of scraping the ground-in bubble gum off the bottom of my flip-flops. Oh, the possibilities!