09.08.03 | 9:42 p.m.

Did I ever mention...

That I was in a fake band. We called ourselves Squeezed and Sucked. I was Squeezed.

A lot of alcohol consumption went into the making of our band... much like how I picture Metalica's roots.

It all began November 17, 2002, after a heavy dosing of Swedish vodka.

The original plan was that we were going to go for the whole quasi avante-garde/ performance art kind of approach. My band mate was going to play the guitar while I cracked open a bag of local fortune cookies and read them very provocatively on the mic.

Only that plan was quickly forgotten after we mysteriously managed to develop bad German accents over the course of the day. Thus, was the birth of our debut album: Vacations in Deutschpants.

Das tracks included:

1. These Walls are Made of Icing

2. Downy Fresh in Dusseldorf

3. Your Army Pantaloons aren't Camouflaging Anything

I now have a stack of these discs looming in my living room, just waiting to be discovered by some unsuspecting house guest.

I do believe if that ever does happen, I will literally die of embarrassment.