12.16.03 | 3:50 p.m.

Office Gift Baskets

This is the topic I will be discussing.

What is the protocol for splitting large gift baskets set in communal corporate settings?

Well, look no further! Because, my friends, there are no rules when it comes to sharing in the office environment.

I think one of my coworkers just learned that life lesson as I helped myself to the whole sack of chocolate gold coins in the basket. Everyone knows that a broken sack of gold coins is worthless -- like a broken condom... a half a dollar bill... a joke with no punchline -- which is why I couldn't share them.

Plus, there are pounds of chocolate still left for the taking, which is why I didn't see a problem lifting them coins.

If only she could see it my way... now I am afraid I'll be getting my own sack of Ex-Lax cookies from her this year.