03.04.04 | 4:24 p.m.

I'll be big pimpin'... spending C(ents)'s

Well, it is official. I have landed that one percent raise dangled in front of my nose six months ago.

No typos here, yes, a big O-N-E %.

Go me. Now, at least, I can afford to buy the postage to mail my bills.

The contingency on me getting this chump change rested on my ability to 1) treat my boss with more kindness and 2) get myself to work by 9 a.m.

9:45 a.m. is when I rolled into the office today, which my eagle-eyed boss pointed out was later than 9 a.m.

I am so tempted to tell them that they can keep that one percent in the form of single dollar bills (minus taxes, of course) in a jar at the front desk. Each day I get here by 9 a.m. the receptionist (who diligently records my daily arrival times) can hand me a dollar. Each day I am late, she can keep the dollar. We are all winners in the losing game that way.

Did I mention that I am salaried and I often work from home because my computer is a piece of shit?

I am! and it is!

Maybe with my 1% raise I can buy a louder, bigger alarm clock? Provided it is on clearance.