05.26.04 | 11:37 p.m.

Chopsticks aside...

About 20 years ago my mother grabbed her sissors and cut me an unknown Chinese symbol out of felt to plaster to my traditional, Eastern-style turtleneck. She even made use of her liquid eyeliner by "geisha-ing" up my European eyes real good for some trick-or-treating.

Notice my makeshift kimono and strategically placed hands. It really doesn't get much more authentic -- or politically incorrect -- does it?