11.04.04 | 4:40 p.m.

The Boyfriend and the Bees

The Boyfriend finally told his father that he and I were living together today by announcing that he was moving into my place this weekend. (He failed to come completely clean, as he moved in many more weekends ago, but whatever at least his dad knows now.)

That's par for the course.

His dad is old school. Think 1950s. I bet he pictures us all dolled up in our Saturday best splitting a malt beverage at a local pub every weekend. Which I guess is why he chose now to have the father-son "sex talk."

His son is 28, mind you.

Apparently, the Boyfriend's dad fears that I am now somehow more in danger than ever before of becoming pregnant.

He even warned the Boyfriend, "Don't think you can come home after a couple of beers and not use 'protection,' son!" (Yes. He really said that. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.)

He also let the Boyfriend know that I was not going to wait forever, and that he really needed to come up with a ring asap.

Well, good thing I have someone looking out for me, otherwise I might end up married to some other dude or, worse yet, pregnant with the Boyfriend's father's grandchild! The horror!

Anyone know where I can purchase a discount chastity belt?