01.07.05 | 4:55 p.m.

Well, holy shit, I have an online diary!?

Let me just start off by saying that I have gotten into the habit of waking up every couple hours in the middle of the night and eating three gummy bears. Last night’s dream was awesome, which I will account to the candy. It included a cameo by Michael Ian Black. Delicious.

Let’s see… Christmas was good. Most useful present award goes to my Dad who presented me a certificate for a lifetime of wheel alignments (for the life of my car). Most interesting gift goes to my Mom who presented me with some lavender frog-clad pajama pants that said “toadally awesome” all over them. They have been returned to Target incase anyone needs them.This is what I got my dog for Christmas. Okay, not really.

Meetings have dominated my workweek, causing me to develop a genuine concern that I have, somehow, lost the ability to enunciate. If this continues my speech may end up sounding like Drew Barrymoore shoving a bag of gumballs in her mouth after drinking a quart of bathtub gin. Not pretty.

Something else that isn’t pretty is the fact that my workplace has not had running water all day. I take that back. There is water. It is more dripping than running. It is also a nice chocolate brown hue. But it tastes great!

Now I must muster the courage to leave work and begin a competitive game of one-on-none “quarters” on my couch.

Look at me, already setting the bar high for 2005.