02.23.04 | 12:10 p.m.

Is my bikini line ready for spring break?

That, among other equally asinine emails, is what I have been foraging through all morning.

I canít even tell you how many vaginas Iíve innocently stumbled across this a.m. while trying to get my office email.

As if the office environment didnít create enough paranoia, Iím now forced to ponder lifeís real questions: Well, is my bikini area up to par? could (or rather should) "my manís love rod" really stay hard all weekend long? And do I really look like a girl craving obligatory reminders that there are plenty of naughty farm girls stuck "doing it" with the family dog and/or stallionÖ