07.16.04 | 12:19 p.m.

DSL is down! I repeat: We have a DSL down!

Today, Earthlink contacted me to see how my help call with "Brian L." went last night.

Here is what I told them:

I was on the phone with Earthlink from 6:30 p.m. until 9:10 p.m. yesterday, and the only thing resolved was that I was finally told that my "modem went bad." I must now wait until Tuesday of next week to receive my new modem and I am already not looking forward to having to call an Earthlink representative in who knows what country to "help" me install it. At least I have only experience minimum problems with my DSL connection in the past few years.

Here is what I should have told them:

Brian L. sounds hot. The way he kept commanding me to turn on my hard drive and then shut it off, was such a cocktease. Then, when he suggested I find something to stick in my dsl hole, I nearly lost it! Too bad, Brian L. sucks at fixing technical problems, otherwise after I “got off” with him, I would have been downloading porn until sun-up!